Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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