I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
