How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
