I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Randomize
