My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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