oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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