I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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