brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
