My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize