I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
