Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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