I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I fill condoms, not promises.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
