im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
