Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
