We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
ttyl tear gas
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
