Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
