she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
