I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
