Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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