She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I am available for nakedness
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
