You just made me feel so damn special
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
