he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
