he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
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I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
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Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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