sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
