she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
