I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
