I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
