I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
