I'd wear matching sweaters with you
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
