my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
