Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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