So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
