My nipple is on Facebook.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
