Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You made out with two different species that night
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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