i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
