break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
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drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
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This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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