Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
