Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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