people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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