I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
ttyl tear gas
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
