i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
