it wasn't lemon gatorade
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
