I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
