We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
the liver wants what the liver wants
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize