I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
