Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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