Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
where are my eyebrows?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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