you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
