Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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