someone threw a dead crab at me
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
