so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
