and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
