I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
