6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
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