my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
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After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize