Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize