Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
