i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Drake has all the answers
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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