3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
