I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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