You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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